


delicate

by xannyj



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Beomgyu is a Sweetheart, Kang Taehyun is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Taehyun's POV, he gets way better at them as the story progresses, i'm sorry the others don't appear in this, this is just basically taehyun getting acquainted with his own feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29784456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xannyj/pseuds/xannyj
Summary: taehyun spends his life pondering on what love means.he's 19 when he begins to understand.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 5
Kudos: 59





	delicate

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in like an hour but i feel happy with the outcome, i hope that if anyone reads this they can enjoy it

Taehyun has almost always felt like his heart was going to come out of his chest from his throat. Almost every second of his life he spent it away swallowing… wishing for his heart to go back into place, to become tranquil. Maybe then, he wouldn’t find himself in this situation.

His mother always tried to remind him, ever since he was born “Taehyun-ah, love unapologetically”. Taehyun is 18 and he still isn’t quite sure what that means.

His own personal experience and relationship with love has always been complicated, for instance, there are things he doesn’t question, has never even dared to: He loves his parents, they inspire him, and he takes all their hardships and advices to heart, because he knows that’s what they’re trying to tell him: _“We fuck up too… don’t fuck up the same way we did”._ But that’s as close as he’s ever gotten.

Don’t take him wrong, he knows love comes in multiple different shapes and languages, and Taehyun is an ambitious boy, therefore, he wants to learn them all. Feel them all. Convey them. But how does one even do that?

He knows people can love friends, and he knows he does but at the same time, when he’s on his bed unable to sleep; the sheep counting session to lur him into slumber, converts into pondering on what feelings actually mean… if they even mean anything. He can’t help but be skeptic from time to time.

Maybe this explains why Taehyun has always been fond of romance novels. He loves reading, there isn’t anything more comforting than reading your exact feelings on a piece of paper. Materialized. Explained. And even if he tends to read non-realistic novels, he is aware that these writers are real people: they feel so they write.

Writing is one of the purest forms of expression, that he is sure about. Love must exist because people write about it. Revolutionary. Taehyun grew up reading about wars… revolutions like the one in Russia or even China, and he thinks he begins to understand what people mean when they say: “Love is the strongest feeling in the world”. If it makes people act like that over things they love and believe they have to protect, maybe love is strong but not always fair, not always just. Not always reciprocal, because these things happen due to disagreements.

He isn’t sure if he quite wants to feel that way over someone. Or worse. If he wants someone to feel that way over him.

Nevertheless, he is sure that if the time ever comes, he’ll just embrace it. Throughout his teenage years he allowed himself to feel and accept that people come and go… most people don’t come into your life meant to stay by your side forever. It was tough… opening up and being let down, but lessons come in waves, when you least expect them, they wash your entire being, even getting inside your nostrils and knocking you down, leaving you breathless, almost choking. So he hums. Accepting.

That realization, though, doesn’t make opening up easier. Doesn’t facilitate his path through the patches of fear and insecurities, of showing more of himself than he should’ve… than he wanted to. Because even if he didn’t still quite understand love, he was still perfectly sure that it was a delicate feeling… so overpowering it tones down your natural defense instincts. He has seen what love has done to empires. If love can tear down an entire empire, then it can also tear him down. Forcefully, unaware, when he least expects it, doom can come his way.

But what never crossed his mind was that maybe if love had such capability of breaking and destroying in just a second then maybe… falling was just as easy. Almost as breathing and blinking. So the moment Taehyun begins to realize that he enjoys hearing Beomgyu’s laugh more that he should, when Taehyun becomes aware that he wants to be the source of his laugh and hold his hand tighter than anyone so the oldest doesn’t fall apart… Taehyun can’t let him fall apart… he is now somewhat conscious that he has lost a war against himself that he wasn’t even aware he was fighting.

Taehyun feels like he’s learning how to breathe again, but he doesn’t fight it. Can’t fight the feeling and frankly he doesn’t even want to. He just wants it to settle on his chest the fastest it can so he can familiarize himself with the feeling, he has always been more methodical than he wants to be, but it is what it is. So he just sits in front of a chimney that he formed in his mind, and throws wood into it, so the fire can erupt brighter… faster… consuming but beautiful.

He still isn’t quite sure what love means and he is becoming acquaintances with the fact that maybe this is something that he won’t ever be able to pinpoint into exact words… he wonders how writers do it, but if there is something Taehyun is sure about is that he loves how Beomgyu’s eyes shine and burst with excitement that invades Taehyun’s insides… feeling everything the older is thinking and expressing. Taehyun is sure that maybe he wouldn’t mind listening to Beomgyu forever.

And despite the fact that the word ‘forever’ scares him to death, he also doesn’t fight this newfound thought, he just takes it and stores it in one of the rooms of his soul to which he will be the only one with a key access to. With this, Taehyun has become expectant of the feelings that come with falling, and consequently, almost as if it were his calling, he tries to begin writing his own novel.

What he doesn’t expect is for Beomgyu to confront him, “Are you never going to tell me?” The oldest asks him, his voice shaking but lingering with hope. Taehyun wants to meet his eyes, maybe that way he will understand what the raven boy is talking about, Beomgyu doesn’t meet them, though, adverting them every time their eyes come close.

“What are you talking about?”

Beomgyu sighs and looks into his eyes no longer avoiding them, Taehyun knows Beomgyu has always been the bravest between the two. He should learn a thing or two and not like he would ever admit it out loud, but this is also one of the reasons Taehyun is falling for him. His heart: open, loud, unapologetic (like Taehyun’s mother always wanted for him but he never got the hang of it), but also really calm, soothing like a lullaby. Beomgyu was like the rain for Taehyun… and Taehyun loved the rain. He found peace in it and if rain stopped altogether, he isn’t sure if he would be able to continue existing.

“I love you”. Taehyun almost misses these words coming out of the older’s mouth, too busy thinking about well… Beomgyu.

This can’t be real… Taehyun is still trying to define what love means to him as he lets himself fall for a boy who is open, who wears his heart up his sleeve, who makes you laugh, makes you mad but also never fails to offer a shoulder and a hug whenever needed so he doesn’t even think when he says, “I beg your pardon?”

Beomgyu rolls his eyes, clearly expecting this kind of reaction from Taehyun…. Taehyun can’t help but wonder if he planned this… Beomgyu does seem like the type to plan out a confession scene… he is a songwriter after all. “I love you, and I know you love me back”.

Now, Taehyun gapes “How do you know that?”

“So you admit it! You do love me back!”

“I never said that.”

“But you did!” Beomgyu jumps, grabbing onto his arm, making the younger laugh, maybe love was getting used to some things… maybe love was not minding the feeling that you’d need to get out of your own routine and bubble to fit into someone else’s… to want to fit into someone else’s. Perhaps love was the dreading feeling that you wouldn’t mind giving this one person a map and a spare key to your soul… that you would be brave enough to grab the map and key of another person and see what they are willing to show you because in the end you are willing and brave to see.

“I do.” And as he affirms those words, he holds Beomgyu’s gaze intensely… speaking through his eyes: _I’m scared but I don’t want to be. You make me less scared. I’m delicate please take good care of me._ Taehyun doesn’t think he can explain the moment that happened, because as he finished, he was sure Beomgyu’s eyes answered right back, reassuringly, softly… just like how Beomgyu does everything: _I will. Thank you, I want to stay by your side, let’s be each other’s tomorrow and go against these fears together._

Taehyun squeezed Beomgyu’s hand firmly but hidden, as if he were sealing a treaty. Taehyun is now 19 and he is sure he still doesn’t quite understand his mom’s words about love, but he is starting to write down his own definition.


End file.
